Crack: Episode II

I have been trying for weeks now to get something down on a piece of paper, something. Anything. But NO. Writing is forbidden. It's kind of like chasing butterflies to eat. Forbidden. Bad comparison though. It's kind of like finding time. I just can't seem to find any. If I could, I would have been writing. But writing too is forbidden as of this point of time. So, now, is there any point of finding time? Not really, I guess.

But now I am writing. Something. Anything. And I am glad. So glad. Very glad. MongenGLADbach. LOL (Laughing Out Loud).

Or is it LAL (Lachen Aus Laut)???

Okay, enough.

Done and dusted.

Crack

Is it so easy to run through walls trying to find openings? Or is it easier to simply look for an opening and then barge in? And then barge in into what is the main concerns of this case. This case could be closed if it were easy. How easy it would be to know beforehand as to what awaits on the other side? The side where greener is the grass.

I seriously do not know what I am writing.

Grievances

I just realized that coming home is hardest when I have no one to come home to. No family to come home to after work. Not one sound of laughter reaches my ears to greet me the moment I step inside my home. I am all alone over here. No sister to greet me with a lovely smile, no Jiju to shake hands with, and no Merumagal to express her joy at seeing her Ammaman with laughter. No father to hug me and look into my eyes and show pride on my life. No mother to hug me, and smile at me and show that she loves me despite all that I do and despite all that I am. I sit here all alone. All I have for company is a 21” television, and a 14” laptop, both of which I have started to despise. I wish I were with my family, and share their joys, sorrows, agonies and ecstasies.I wish...

Revelation

I hope that one day I can retire early, and settle down in a plush mahogany chair, with a library behind me, and write. I hope I do not get bogged down by the responsibilities that ensue as a result of simply living life. I have my desires, ambitions and dreams, which I am not ready to let go of. I want to live my dream, pursue my interests and be part of those rare individuals, those few who do what they decide.

But I just realized an important thing yesterday. I work in a drab place, doing a lacklustre job, with a salary that is a bit too disappointing, especially on the 7th of every month. And still, here I am, doing nothing to change my life. I am caught up here in chains.

I need change. Not just to save myself from the nothing that I am turning out to be, but also to prove that man has it in him to dare what he dreams, and do what he dares.

In a pensive mood...

I didn’t feel like playing Counter Strike today. That’s a new high for me. Really. I don’t remember myself say No to Gaming. But it is temporary. I know, tomorrow I’ll be back. So, anyways, I took a walk. I went around the block. Just for kicks. Can’t smoke today either because I will be donating blood tomorrow. Noble Cause. (A friend told me so). So I took a walk, looking to see if I could meet some people I knew and probably gossip and pass time. But the walk showed me more than what I wanted to see.

There was this small child. A girl. Must be 7 or 8 years old. 10 tops. Dirty clothes, disheveled hair. She wasn’t a beggar or anything. But she was there. Noticeable. Tangible. I tried, but could look at no one else in the whole throng of people out there. She must have a mother, who probably works at a construction site somewhere. And she must have a father. One who comes home drunk every night only to beat up her and her mother. But anyways, coming back, I could see nothing else. All I could see was poverty, despair and human indifference. She was just sitting there. She made no complaints. No pleas for money or food or anything. But I could see only misery. I couldn’t do anything for her. I can’t. I’m helpless. I could only hang my head down and walk away. I wanted to give her some money. That was the least I could do. But I didn’t. Human pride is one thing I do not want to put to test by offering her money which she isn’t even asking for. I just walked away. I just… walked away.

I remember Goldblum’s dialogue from the movie, Jurassic Park. “Life”, he said, “will find a way.” Does Life really find a way? Does it? Or is it just another nothing that we say, so that we can relieve ourselves from the conscience, shame and wretchedness that bear upon us when we choose to run away from Life?

I went out there hoping to run into some acquaintances. I came back wishing none would find me.

- (A very depressed) Vinaykrishnan.

i am not a silent tear that fades away silently. my blood has the energy of the big bang, and it coaxes me, urges me, forces me, into things beyond mundane concepts of imagination...
my life isn't at a dead end. i bash through walls, crash through fences, i stop only when i mean to, and not when the end of the road approaches...
my end justifies my means. I do not bother to look at the milestones, they are too insignificant for me, i believe in the highlight of the curtains falling...

change.

Wings clipped,

shadows ripped,

flight disturbed,

life perturbed.

times turned,

life churned,

winds roared,

spirits soared.

Perception

I think about you and I feel you,
You are to me tender and inspiring,
But elusive as well,
Like a lovely song, but half-remembered,
I try to hum the melody,
But the lyrics keep slipping away,
I wish to give you flowers,
But then they too wither,
Maybe walk with you in the rain,
Gaze at your smile,
And the twinkle in your eyes,
I try to keep myself logical,
But you are a flash of lightning,
Zinging in one direction a moment,
Then zapping in another the next,
I only can see reversals of order,
Chaos, underlined with jagged peaks
Of beauty and awe-inspiring audacity,
I wish to perceive you,
But I fail utterly,
And I am now only pieces
Waiting to be gathered,
Scattered in your aura of brilliance
Like drops of water on windshields.

==============================

I AM...

People like to stay afraid. It's a way of denying that better, bigger, more dangerous and more enchanting prospects lie ahead. But people still like doing it.

I am of another world. My sweat, my tears, my blood... I will do what I wish... Inhibitions are for lower mortals. Inhibitions are for lesser beings. Inhibitions are for fallen angels. For me, there are no such concepts such as fear or inhibitions. I am a greater God... I am the Deus Ex Universe...

I am...

DELHI

I love this city. Bustling traffic, tall buildings, never-ending roads, gazillions of people rushing to their destinations all the time... And yet, its not as if being here in itself is a rush. The pace is a compromise, i think, between the rapidness of a rambling city, and the calm of a serene village. You can do all that is to be done, without feeling short of time, but also finding that not so much time is found at hand that you begin to wonder what to do with it.

I love this city.

THE LEARNING CYCLE

I passed CCNA.

Faith reaffirmed. Trust regained. Hope renewed.

Life goes on. Not like a cycle downhill. But like a kite upwind.

How stupid I was to doubt my abilities...

How dark the pessimism of man...

The CCNA Test

There's always a moment of anxiety when you attempt something that you have worked hard for. It could be an exam, a stage performance, or even a simple chat with a special someone. In my case, today, I'm dealing with a CCNA certification exam.

Being an under-achiever purely out of laziness, I stood face-to-face with something that I haven't done in a long, long time - STUDY. However, I'll be truthful. This is something I have been interested in. So I took it up on myself to actually sit my ass down and study for this certification exam.

And tomorrow is the moment of truth. Have I studied enough to actually earn CCNA certification, and in turn, to reaffirm my faith in the power of knowledge? Or will I be disheartened, and only wryly smile at myself for even trying?

Guess I'll wait for tomorrow.

Photographs from Globetrotters...

I like it when people, who visit various countries, put up their photographs on the internet. The places in these snaps remind me of the world being a better place than it seems. That life never ends, and that it goes on. That the world is a bit smaller now because I can feel and see the joy and happiness of the people in these snaps, and know that there are good things in life.

Appreciation

"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations, the new needs friends." - Anton Ego.(Ratatouille)

I love this piece in the movie. It always reminds me, that though all things in life are worth more than the appreciation they receive, it really is something to receive appreciation anyhow.

Existence

I struggle, against my wish or discretion,
And i inch slowly upwards,
Nails and toes scrapping the dust,
I hit a wall,forty Everests high,four light years long,
And yet i brave it,
Scrambling for shelter when lightning strikes,
But i find only more thunder where i look,
Maybe shelter has been made void,
And i'm forced to scream,
I wanted to choose my own battles,
Now i fight for someone else,
And the stink is that i cant refuse,
So i fight,
But when its all done,
And i am the last man standing,
I still search for an oasis,
I still search for water,
But find only devils and dust,
I think to myself why am I an outcast?
Why am I the black in the white?
Why, for me, do the heavens decide?
Why do I run like a madman?
Why..... why do I even try?