Krishna

From all the grandiose articulation and verbose sentences I can create,

None makes more sense than the time when I raise my head to the sky,

And speak out in fervour and hope, of love and belonging and faith,

Absorbing pain in your name is now a game for me, I am enthralled and enraptured now,

Like a river being assimilated by the sea, like Neelkanth ingesting Vish,

I am yours now, and forever, What is this you have done to me?

Living and then dying would have been so much simpler

Than your entry in my life, and my being a prisoner to your will and demands,

But now here I am, all I live for is your joy, your desires, your will,

Your touch on me is like that of the banyan's shadow on a traveller in the hot sun, 

I have no existence save that what you deem upon me.

Where am I going?

Right now, my life all about deadlines, productivity, people management, experience, money, analysis, project plans, development, quality assurance, agile, scrum, websites, taking shit, giving shit, et al. Only software engineering rules my life. Exaggerating, hiding facts, portraying incorrect statistics, bitching, being dishonest all in all - that's what I am doing. I cannot believe that integrity and honesty used to be my biggest strengths in my work-life. Whatever happened to my ethics? Whatever happened to my moralities? Whatever happened to my quest, thirst, drive for knowledge? And not knowledge about how to have shit thrown over me and still smile about it, but knowledge for other things... like the stars, the sun, the earth, atoms, molecules, fluids, places, ancient wars, Greek mythology, Roman mythology, books, authors, music, rock music, films, economics, light rays, scalars, vectors, trigonometry, road construction, asphalt, games, PC games, plants, trees, animals, birds, fishes, sharks, coral reefs, Australia, the Eiffel Tower, the Taj Mahal, telephones, radio, guitars, drums.... (the list is endless)...

Why am I caught in the web of the lure for money? Do I need to give up on everything I am interested in, or I want to believe in?

Today, I realize that...

I love writing, wherein,
I start from "Today, I realize that..."...
But today, I find that,
I do not ultimately realize anything,
My life is all just a game,
Of the roll of the dice,
Once a six, once not even a one,
I wish I could live life in a way
That would astonish people
And want them to admire me,
Say "What a man!",
But here I am, still here,
Not much achieved, even less gained,
This life has not turned out
The roll I wanted it to be.
But I am glad.
I know some people
Who would gladly lay down their lives for me,
Some who would grudgingly, :-)
(I don't even know if a smiley is allowed in a poem)
And I know some,
For whom I would lay down my life.
Not some, but many.
And so I go on singing,
In hope, in love, in faith,
That someday I shall be able to look back
Upon my life, and say that,
"Yes, today I realize that..."

Thai Insurance Commercials

I was going through some commercials on Youtube. I reached a segment of some commercials for an insurance company of Thailand, called Thai Insurance. These have to be the most touching and most emotional advertisement commercials that I have ever seen. They are all very predictable, but the way the commercials have been picturised would make almost everyone cry. (All of these, being Thai, have subtitles which add to the experience really.)

1. A woman goes to the doctor to have a  premature delivery done. The only reason she gives is "We're running out of time." Very intense, and very sentimental. Tears shouldn't surprise me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpf2hsZGsJM&feature=player_embedded

2. A father speaks about how and why he wants more time. Great camerawork and effects, very touching.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvYb4BLIAQw&feature=related

3. A woman suffers from Leukemia and dumps her boyfriend. Very very sad, but very beautifully captured.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgaHwaG055I&feature=related

4. A father makes a promise to always care for his daughter. She gets pregnant though. How the father reacts is what makes this an amazingly good commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkoRDFjBh44&feature=related

5. Aan old woman, an ex-pianist, loses the motion of her right hand and so cannot play the piano. She  has a nurse who has been learning the piano for 5 years of her own. Beautiful!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU44zfNxg20&feature=related

Each of these commercials brings with it many emotions. All of them, though sad, convey a very haunting message to the viewer.

Good work, Thai Insurance.

Side B (short and simple)

Do you think that I am what I look like? More than meets the eyes, I live life in more splendid ways than you can imagine....

I am the side B of a cassette whose side A you haven't even heard fully...

Another translation... beautiful song!!!!

How can I take my eyes of you... After all, I see God in you....

I have not the habit of seeing you... but your face is like the face of love itself....

Your name is the hardest thing... your worship is the hardest act....

This disease of love is unique... It cannot be cured by doctors...

I can die in front of you... You are my anaesthesia...

I cannot have enough of you... Looking at you, I can spend my entire life...

If you are not in front me, my love.... then I find it hard to survive...

Looking at your face is my religion... your worship is my God....

Your face is His form...God has not another form.....

 My heart wishes to just keep on seeing you... After all, I see God in you....

After seeing your one lac styles... I give myself to you a lac lac times...

Be it a curtain or a wall...  Please come and sit in front of me...

My heart wishes.... my heart wishes.... that you come and sit in front of me....

The moon of my heart... Let this poor person have the worship of his God...

Have you seen this season that has come... Please stay back, this season says...

Listen a bit to me... and say all that you have to say...

After crying, my tears have dried out... I have even stopped counting the stars now...

Your worship is the hope of my living... I cannot seem to have one moment of rest....

Please come in front of me, O innocent... Today I want to look into your eyes...

Please come as beautiful as you can... I want to be murdered by your beauty today....

Please come with your black dark hair... Bismil, we shall make Bismil again...

Forget the distances, come close... I wish to tell you my sad tales and hear the same from you...

My heart wishes to just keep on seeing you... After all, I see God in you....

Looking at your face is my religion... your worship is my God....

Bring your face in front of me... That time is the essence of worship...

In every prayer of this worship... when I open my eyes... you be in front of me....

Every time I pray.... Every time I want your face in front of me...

When, if, I open my eyes in my grave... your face should be in front of me....

Your nearness is my fruit.... Never shall I get up away from your court....

You be mine, and I'll be yours.... If I ever let go, you shall still be mine...

I want to keep you in my sight.... After all, I see God in you....

I would praise your beauty to the maximum.... Whoever sees you, falls in love with you...

Whoever meets you... stops to breathe for an instant....

After all, I see God in you.... After all, I see God in you....
After all, I see God in you....After all, I see God in you....
After all, I see God in you....After all, I see God in you....
After all, I see God in you....After all, I see God in you....
After all, I see God in you....After all, I see God in you....
After all, I see God in you....After all, I see God in you....

5 top songs.... crack III

1. Tujh main rab dikhta hai... - one of the best songs i have ever heard... ever.... the lyrics, the music, composition, amazing!!!

2. Chhupaana bhi nahi aata... - pyar... love... to understand what love is, this is the song!!!

3. Teri Deewani...... preet ki latt mohe aisi laagi... if you do not love this song, then my faith in love and in life is lost
:)

4. Tadap tadap ke..... this song speaks of true love... of love when life thinks of betrayal.... of love when life thinks of separation..... when love thinks of not being with someone who does not understand what you feel.. of love when a person wants to be in love...

5. Tu hi re.... when love is only my fault.... when, I believe that love is only for u.... that love says that love is only you.... no one else... then, yes,... tu hi re....
\i know this that no matter what... love is love is love... concept is very simple.... chances of making it perfect,... t \he reason is "u can make it, or u cannot make it."....

i dunno what i am writing
:)

crack III

Hatheli par tumhaara naam... likhte hai mitaate hai....

tum hi se pyaar karte hai... tumhi se hi kyon chhupaate hai...

zubaan par baat hai lekin... sunaana bhi nahi aata...

humein tumse mohabbat hai... bataana bhi nahi aata....

There you go... 4 simple lines... couldn't describe my current life better... i thought i was one of the rare individuals who would find true love and that i'd be happy.... forever...

But life had to take me to different levels... Different strata of existence...but still... here i am... the usual.. the standard.. the benchmark... "yeah... don't worry about stuff,.... i'm here for you... i'll support and protect you..."

for once, i wish i had said, "No.. no chance.. i will not let you go..."

But then, this is what i am... and this is what i am all about...

after all... true love....

"if u love someone, set her free... if she comes back.... she was always yours... else she was always just for u to be immersed in..."

goddamnit!!! i hate the concept of love!!!

But what can i do!!! i love love!!! :)

and i love the one i write for... grrrr!!!!! :)

Flight of Judgment

I was shit scared. I thought to myself, "Damn, why am I here? What the fuck have I done to my life?! I have fucking wasted my life before even starting it!!!"

But then, things changed. There was no more open hostility or tainted nods of acknowledgement. No more phony welcomes or fallacious smiles. At the end of it all, it was all true. All the smiles started not from the lips, but from the eyes. All the pats and encouragements were not from the mouth, but from the heart.

I was being judgmental initially as I am always prone to be. But so quickly a judgment can change, I never knew!!!

All that I was afraid of has ended. 

Metamorphosis

(This is purely a work of fiction, and any resemblance to any living or dead person, or place, is purely coincidental)

So here I am. A human. A sexual addict. A playboy and a pervert.

All I see is women everywhere. And not just women. But everything about them. From the seductiveness of their eyes, to the lust of their lips. Right from the tenderness of their necks, to the voluptuousness of their navels. From the firmness of their thighs to the ticklish nature of the soles of their feet. Everything. I am a pervert. And everything I think about women turns to pure and wretched perverseness.

One day I meet this woman in my office. She is probably half a decade older than me. Yeah, so big deal, I think to myself. I can rope her into my web of lust and into my world of sexcapades. So I start talking to her to court her, charm her, and entice her. All with the objective of getting her into my bed. But all this did not seem to work. For a second, I was agonized. I thought I could never possess her. But then she started opening up to me. For an instant there, I thought my plan worked.

But then I realised what was truly happening. I was falling in love with her. Yeah, she was married. So what? Yeah, she was older than me. So what? Yeah, the whole office sleazily dreamt about her and while in consciousness, criticized her. So what?

I was in love. The real one. Not just a fake feeling.  But the one that made me euphoric and sent me into raptures every time I saw her. Every day I waited for her to come to office, and I used to stare at the door, just so that I would be the first person to see her, and relish her, and preserve her in my mind forever.

Then things started to unfold. She was one half of an unhappy marriage, she told me. Her husband was an animal who would come home every night only to molest her, and fall asleep while doing so. He would beat her up if she refused to fall prey to his carnal desires. Life, in general, was shit to her.

Her only respite was office, where she could take her minds off things.

So I started supporting her. I was the shoulder she would cry on. Sometimes, I was scared. “Dude, this is an older, married woman.” I thought to myself. “You cannot help her.”

But sometimes I was glad. Maybe, in giving her strength and support, I was pulling myself away from the world of lechery and self-indulgence. I started to rise above petty thoughts and distractions.

In time, she started falling for me too. I realised this, and for a second, the devilish side in me rose up and wanted to devour her. But then, I came back to my senses. And I realised, that I did not have to do it. I could be her friend for life, and she could be mine. And I would never for one second regret any part of my relationship with her.

So I told her what I felt. I told her that I'd rather be friends with her. She understood. And she was glad. She said, “You are definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I would not want to change this. I am really grateful that I met you, and I really will always pray for you from the bottom of my heart. You have changed me.”

Till today we are friends, and will continue to be. I just hope that everyone gets a chance in life to experience what I have. True, unadulterated, untainted love and friendship.

I still remember what she said. “You have changed me.” The truth is, she changed me. I was a deplorable, despicable wretch earlier. She, made me a man.

(Acknowledgements to a friend for the story (you know who you are), and to Old Monk, for the impetus provided. :-))

Love And Liberation

Imagine the love of a person who lives to dance. Whose life revolves only around dancing and the sheer joy and freedom that she gains from it. Who would dance even if there were no music because she could feel the pure exhilaration of the music in her heart.

Imagine the love of a person who is coming to meet his love after a long time. Who wants nothing more than to meet his love and wrap her in his arms and hold on and never let go. Who would want only to love her for the rest of eternity.

Imagine the love of a person who is committing suicide because she cannot be with the love of her life. Who wants that time be turned back, so that he does not die in her arms. Who desires then only to be with him, in the  afterlife in another place, if not in this world.

Imagine the love of those two who were friends when they were together. Who realised that friendship and trust is far more important  than simply going out together. Who realised that they loved each other only when it was time for them to part ways.

Imagine the love of a person who realises that the one he loves will never be his because she does not love him and so picks up a knife to kill her, and then himself, so that she can be no one else’s. Whose sole purpose in life is to possess and own his love, and give no one else the chance to know her, feel her, love her. Who would then go and let her free at the last moment, because he knows that it is wrong to hurt the one you love, and that setting her free is the only way he can ever be truly free himself.

Imagine the love of a person who is in love with God. Whose life is led only on the sole purpose of one day being with God. Who, when he sees an idol or a symbol or a place of worship of his God, can only kneel down in obeisance and offer himself to His Divinity and Love.

Love is quite varied in its forms, ultimately being the only the truest form of worship and freedom. Love truly is liberation of the highest order. 

You and Me.

I gave you a call. But you never picked up. I let the phone ring a dozen times before I hung up. I now know you have another guy to go home to, and another person to hug and smile with. No more worrying about Mr. Weird Guy. I'm probably just a topic of discussion and a riot of laughs for you and your new friend. Both of you simply can go on shaking your heads at this dumb old sweetheart of yours.

I still drop you offline messages, hoping that you would come up with a great reply like you always used to do. But now, I get only dry messages back from you. That too, only sometimes.

Things are different between us now. We now talk in "How's things?" and stuff. And I was stupid enough to think earlier that we'd never move apart. I thought that we'd never fade away. But that was stupid of me.

I was witty when I was with you. Now I am just an old bore in most of the parties, and not even invited to the rest. Where as you are the light of all the parties, stubbing cigarettes with everyone present and sharing drinks with your new found love.

I still wait by my computer with the bag of fries and the chocolate milkshake, waiting for you to come online and chat with me, so that I can have my share of laughs and fun. But, usually, the fries end too fast, and the shakes are too little to last.

Better things to do, you tell me. For both of us, you and me. But then, why are none of them half as much fun?





(Inspiration acknowledged from the doyouwannafess blogger. I am sorry, but I had to take the last line. It was too perfect to be changed.)

My Orkut "About Me" section

I am now starting to realise, that people don't read this to know about the person writing them... but to actually find out if what is written is cool or not... if it is, then i am a social champion... else, i am an outcast...

so, if not for anything else, then for the sake of allowing humanity to be proud of being shunned, i have decided to be an outcast and not write any thing cool over here... you guys need to decide if you still wish to follow this norm of judgement, or whether to take things and people as they are, and not as you want them to be...
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Also, what is it with my generation nowadays??? Everyone wants to be pessimistic and depressed... All going around with tags like "Immortally insane", "Numb darkness", "Sorrowed Life"... i mean, WTF?!?! Guys, relax... life is shitty... deal with it instead of going into bouts of depression.... it's almost as if you are out of place if you are not one among the emotionally and mentally insane/deprived/fucked up.... as if you have to have this tag stuck across your face which makes people think/know/realize that you are all fucked up inside... Why are there no more Happy Young People???
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I believe I can fly to heights hitherto unachieved. But as of now, as of today, this point of time, I just ain't there yet... Right now, Luck is a whore who does not like the smell of my money...
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To Be Yours

Make me the love of your life,

I pray, everyday.

Sometimes though, I do lose hope,

I know that you are not mine to be.

But still sometimes I wish and I dream,

That life itself convinces you to be mine.

If at the end all else fails,

At least make me an illusion of your fantasies

As I have made you in mine.

At least that would then force you

To sense me every time you put pen to paper,

Or your lyrics to music.

That way I would always be yours,

And always live in your words and your song,

And wistfully smile at myself,

For not trying hard enough,

Or for trying too hard.

- Vinaykrishnan

I am reading this series called Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer. Amazingly funny, very fast-paced and some really really memorable characters. One line from the first book has really stuck with me.

"'Confidence is ignorance,' advised the centaur. 'If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's
something you don't know.'"