I am now a father.
Just over a month ago, a daughter was born to my wife and I. We named her Antara - a component of any composition in Hindustani Classical Music. We did this since she's gonna be the music in our lives. We just didn't realize that the music would be at 4 AM at night. Every night. Every single night.
But such is the nature of having progeny. It's uncomfortable, agonizing, stressful and even painful at times - yet humans do it and call it parenthood. There is joy too undoubtedly. But that's a small fraction. A tiny, teensy, really infinitesimally small proportion. Yeah.
However, I give you this - learning. I have learned more about humans and babies and nature and human nature and evolution in these last ten months (I'll have a separate post on the 9 months of pregnancy) than I have in my entire 35 years of existence prior to this period. When we started hunting names for my child, we realized the vast number of people that we dislike. Incredibly, we also learned that we really only like a very small number of people. Mostly we like dogs more than we like people. But we decided not to give our daughter a dog's name - that would be pet-ty. (Sorry not sorry).
When my daughter was born, I was elated - she resembled me a lot. Everyone told us that my daughter was a spitting image of her father. All that elation drained away when I realized that that was nature's way of ensuring that I am invested in raising the child. If the child didn't look like the father, apparently, fathers are not as interested in its growth and progress. Nature 1 - Fathers 0.
The flipside argument to this, of course, is my most favorite idea. Fathers love their children more than anyone else in the world. We love our children even more than mothers love their children. Yes. I said it. A mother has carried the baby in her womb for 9 months and felt every motion and kick and nauseous motion - and therefore is unwaveringly in love with her child. However, a father does all that a mother does - feed, burp, change diapers, clean, put to sleep, stay awake, and repeat (not to even mention sterilize bottles) - without the evolutionary need to do so. That love of a father thus, one that is not born out of a physical mandate such as pregnancy, is surely the purest and truest in the world. Nature 1 - Fathers 1.
It's been a helluva ride so far. One month into parenthood has drained my wife and I of one important thing - time. We can't binge television or Netflix anymore. My PlayStation play time has dropped as hard as my engineering math grade. The missus and I talk about the baby when she's awake. We talk about the baby when she's asleep. We talk about the baby when we're awake. Heck, we talk about the baby even when we're asleep. The last meaningful conversation that I had with my wife about anything other than the baby was about the sunny and warm weather. But that too turned into a conversation about whether the baby would like the weather or not.
But all things aside, having Antara in our life has made our lives better. Infinitely. I agree with Brian Gordon. Parenting is absolute hell, but I wouldn't have it any other way now.
More to follow, especially in the Nature vs Fathers series...
- Vinaykrishnan
