Yet Another Year of Many New Faces

Another year. This time, I decide to write in short what I got.

Or what I gave.

Nishtha Adroja. Plus a helluva lotta love and support from my family.

Can't ask for more. Don't want to, really.

- Vinaykrishnan.

Faith

He has His own mysterious ways of setting things right,
The jigsaw board on his table is not for the mortals to see,
Or understand,
What is unfathomable cannot be influenced either.

Easy it is to fall prey to wallowing in self pity,
But Right it is to help yourself,
For He only helps those who help themselves,
And doing the Right is always better than simply doing the Easy.

And all this while, know this and hold in your heart true,
That things will work out in the end, that's His plan,
If things are not working out,
Then it is not quite the end yet.

- Vinaykrishnan.

Letters to Santa

 It's the 15th of December. As a child, I used to write letters on this day to Santa Claus every single year, asking him what I'd want. I'd give it to my Father, and ask him to post it for me, although I never knew Santa's address. And my letter used to go like this:

Dear Santa,

I promise, I will hide a sock under my pillow for you. But you have to promise me either a bicycle or a G.I. Joe or He-Man action figure.

Love,
Vinu.

I never used to think what would happen, what I would get. Because I had so much faith in Santa.


I once even woke up when my Mother was stuffing something in the sock under my pillow. But I lay quiet. I pretended to be asleep. I knew long and long and long ago that Santa did not exist. 


I was never disappointed.

I knew it was my Mother and Father who would put toys in the sock. I always got an action figure of some G.I.Joe or He-Man character stuffed in my sock. I love you, Amma and Achan.


- Vinaykrishnan.

Your Eyes

I can read and read and still keep on reading all my life,
But I can never hope to even finish reading
What Your eyes say to me.

They start from the littlest of the twinkles
And go all the way, transforming
Into droplets of magic scattered
Like water on windshields, temporarily present.

They can go from arid to moist,
Like rains in the desert,
In a matter of seconds.

But every time Your eyes change their mood,
I begin to read something,
Not about You,
But about me...

I begin to read the love that I hold for you inside me and it reminds me of  every single reason
Of why I love You.

From the mundane to the extraordinary,
Your eyes tell a million tales.

- Vinaykrishnan.

You

In Your beauty and Your love
I am drenched,
I only take what You give me
Without want of choice,

It is You that makes me want to dance
And write these poems,
You sing inside me somewhere deep
The songs of love, and You touch me,

It is only when I see You singing
That that sight becomes this poetry.

- Vinaykrishnan.

You

I wanted to be where You are,
And so I started off in Your direction,
But one part of me went one way,
The others went their own.

That's when I feared if I followed You correctly,
Or whether You truly were not my love.

But then I realized, for me,
You are everywhere,
Everywhere is You.

- Vinaykrishnan.

Judgment

While they seem innocuous,
It is these things that really matter,
Vicinity not being closeness,
Mind not being over matter.
Life does find a way eventually,
Going under the waterfalls and over,
Ready reckonings fail
To judge the purest of intentions
Behind any motive,
Superior or ulterior.

- Vinaykrishnan.

Happiness

Over a year back, I had a dream of buying a cruiser motorcycle by this time. That never happened.

Two years back, I thought I'd have a great physique by this time. That never happened.

Three years back, I wanted to have a small 1 BHK flat of my own by this time. That never happened.

Four years back, I wanted to roaming the world as a backpacker by this time. That never happened.

But I have realized, that at those times, I only wanted to whisper with dreams and feel the mythical caresses that they offer for those who have naught to hold on to. Maybe I was only ordinary. Maybe I was only an average human being with expectations of the moon from myself. But I wanted it. I wanted it all. And I felt as if nothing could stop me. But I got nothing. Nothing yet.

I wonder if they were all only pipe dreams. Just foolish wishes. If only wishes were horses, they say. They aren't horses. Not even 1000 cc motorcycles, apparently.

I want to say that now I don't want any of it without sounding as if I'm just trying to console myself over sour grapes. But really, I don't want any of it. I have a great family, I am in love with the most amazing woman in the world, and the best part is that she loves me too. I have a great job in a city that I love, friends who wake up in the wee hours of the morning when I need them, and enough money to pass my month by without having to go hungry like in the olden days.

I am happy. Truly. Nothing beats this. Maybe, this is what I always wanted without knowing that I really did want this. I hope that some wise part of me will counsel me sometime soon saying that happiness cannot be obtained, and that it can only be eternally optimistically pursued.

But till then, I know that I am happy. Absolutely.

- Vinaykrishnan.