Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Intermingled Causes

The trough that comes before a crest is what teaches man the value of the crest. That feeling of that all-time low, intermingling with, and also causative of, frustration, irritation, despondency and loss of faith and patience - all of this when reminisced during fairer times, though may seem stupid and trivial, are actually what allows man to feel the ecstasy of the good times better.

Like darkness. Paving the way for the light. So that the ways of the light can be seen clearer. So that the whirling swarms of particles can be viewed better in the filtering rays of the light.

Like evil. Laying the foundation for good to tear through all its bonds and shackles and emerge victorious. That goodness in itself only learns what is good through evil.

Only through the whimisical vagaries and vicissitudes of evil and darkness are goodness and light born and sustained. That nothing good can come unless you wait for the bad to get finished. It's a cycle, one that goes on and on. And I hope I can learn that completely, and understand it completely and assimilate it completely, so that I can be more acute in my understanding, and stop being so obtuse in my thinking and outlook.

I am on a high now. Getting to the crest, now that I have gone through the trough - it's an amazing feeling.

Flying high.

- Vinaykrishnan.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Thousand Feet To The Bottom - A Tale Of The End

Like standing on a precipice. Look down. Look down! It's amazing! Isn't it? A sheer fall of over a thousand feet into an abyss you can barely see. Is it water down there? Or is it a hard rock? You can't tell. Faith took you upto here. And faith shall see you through, you think. No use of faith. It's a block of concrete down there. Oh, actually it's water. Pure, glistening, if there were any sunlight on it ever. They say falling from such height into water, or even cotton, is like falling on a slab of steel from a three storeyed building.

Splat! That's the last thing that would go through your head.

I think it's strange that you must think so. It's just a leap. One jump, or even one step off the ledge. Faith. Gives you wings. Let's try. What say you? I wonder if it's real wings. Like in the Red Bull advertisement. Or like the guy in X-Men who breaks the window panes, and spreads his lovely white wings. Maybe it's like Icarus, who just wouldn't listen to his father. Poor Daedalus. Sheer genius, yet to have a kid who's a dolt. Wax wings. What say you? Let's try it out. Atleast in our final act of rebellion, of defiance, of breaking free from this bondage, we shall find out. In that last moment of refusal to accept tyranny, we shall experience something unique. Something we have never felt ever before. Something true. Pure. Ecstatic. Blissful. True and unadulterated freedom. Freedom. Independence.

Or something really dreadful. Fear. Horror. Regret. Shame. I wonder what we would feel. Maybe even repulsion. That the world never saw us for what we were. That we could not ever show the world our true mettle. That despite us having a stage, we were only ordinary stage actors. That nothing about us was so appealing that the universe did not even try to stop us from doing something so terrible. Or so heavenly.

Musical maybe.

I wonder if you think of what music you like when you fall. Meatloaf? Or is it Beethoven? Maybe it's Euphoria. Euphoria as in the band. Maybe, maybe, it's fusion. Like something Middle Eastern, with a dash of the Corrs. Or maybe, it's only Bryan Adams. So Far So Good.

But whatever it may be, I truly do believe that we are justified. That we took birth and lived not by our choice is something I shall not debate anymore. But that we lived and quit by our choice is something I shall want to have. It's true. It's mine to choose. To opt for. My only. My precious. Tolkien was never wrong. Not once.

Maybe it's all the books you read. Tolstoy. Chekhov. Tolkien. Goodkind. Gaiman. Or maybe even the Kings that you read. All of it culminating into something special. Spectacular. Down. You're pretty close to the bottom now.

You. Your first kiss. Your first love. Your joy at seeing your child smile at you for the first time. Your first kiss again. The eyes of your lover. That feeling of holding her so tight that you would never let go. That hair that she rolls up and ties up. That feeling of being with her. That touch. That smile. Those lovely lips. That warmth and the feeling of tenderness.

That's all. You're done.

Splat!

- Vinaykrishnan.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Year Of Many Faces.

Another year has passed me by. A year of many highs, lows, and quite a few gray areas as well. I reminisce about what I did, learnt, enjoyed, agonized over, cried over, laughed about, shared, viewed, understood, assimilated, taught others - and I am amazed. It rocks me to my core.

I changed jobs, made new friends, learnt new things inside and outside of work, visited new places, saw wondrous sights that I had never dreamt of, got a couple of tattoos, got scolded over these and laughed at over these, and also admired for these.

I saw new movies, heard new genres of music, met people who dreamed like me, met people who dreamed differently, met people who lived to match their dreams, and some who outlived their dreams.

I drank till I passed out, drank till I was the last man standing, I have enjoyed countless conversations on life, philosophy, music, work, debated over India and its problems, politics, books, movies. I have socialized on the internet, and in the real world, and have realized that I like the latter better.

I learnt to be a better writer, fostered hope that someday now I can be bigger than what I am. I left behind a lot of luggage, am carrying some, and will carry even more as I grow older. Not wiser, maybe.

I have hugged unknown people, danced with known ones, travelled with friends, travelled to meet friends, travelled to meet my loved ones. I have reached a whole new level of understanding with my family, and at this level, there are a lot of new complications, but a lot more love and sincerity.

I learnt how to live life unabashedly, learnt to love unconditionally, learnt to wait eternally, learnt to give openly, learnt to hug till the other person stops and I have cried over many matters, some trivial, some monumental.

I hope I have a year like this every year of my life. I hope I get most of what I want in the new year. I hope I don't get some of it, just to keep things balanced. I hope I learn more in this beautiful world. I hope I grow to be a better man. I hope I get love from the most unexpected of quarters, and I hope to learn to love what I already have even more.

I hope.

- Vinaykrishnan.