Existence

I struggle, against my wish or discretion,
And i inch slowly upwards,
Nails and toes scrapping the dust,
I hit a wall,forty Everests high,four light years long,
And yet i brave it,
Scrambling for shelter when lightning strikes,
But i find only more thunder where i look,
Maybe shelter has been made void,
And i'm forced to scream,
I wanted to choose my own battles,
Now i fight for someone else,
And the stink is that i cant refuse,
So i fight,
But when its all done,
And i am the last man standing,
I still search for an oasis,
I still search for water,
But find only devils and dust,
I think to myself why am I an outcast?
Why am I the black in the white?
Why, for me, do the heavens decide?
Why do I run like a madman?
Why..... why do I even try?