Acceptance

How does a man go from restless and worked up to happy and peaceful in one day? Is it even possible? I have been struggling for the remedy to this for so long.

My denial of the situation made me fidgety all the while. I did not know what to do. My insides were fighting with the alien sentiment inside of me. No symbiosis. No synergy. No understanding. It was utterly chaotic. One part of me was fighting this foreign being within me. I loved the idea of the being within me. It made me swell with joy. But the part where it actually threatened to take over my space actually caused panic within me. A well of dread and horror rose up within me. That I would lose my independence to this. That I would lose my individuality. That I would lose sight of who I am and what I am. That, despite all the magnificence and splendor of this notion within me, I would still fall into an abyss of darkness from where return is not possible. Feelings are a many-splendored thing. And truer this cannot be. They not only have the power to raise you beyond the ordinary, but also have the power to consume you till you are nothing but ashes and dust.

But I had a revelation. I decided not to fight this outlandish thing within me. I accepted the fact that this would not rest until I accept it. I stopped fighting it, and decided to simply let it be. I nursed it. Empowered it. Emboldened it. And suddenly it grew. Not like a thorny vine threatening the existence of the support. But like the moon. From the oblivion of the empty sky to the radiance of the full moon on a cloudless night. And suddenly, I am at peace. I feel so good that I simply don’t think what I write here is in any way doing justice to what I feel.

I accept. It’s a part of me now. And now, given the case, it is integrally a part of me. Inseparable. Trying though the circumstances maybe, I will not ever let go. This feeling of rest, and calm, and the feeling of the quenching of my thirst I shall not forget.

Now you no longer haunt me or terrify me. I accept you. My acceptance is my deliverance. Totally. Completely. Wholly. Undoubtedly. Unabashedly. Unequivocally.

I accept.

- Vinaykrishnan.